RUSH, RUSH, RUSH

I am so overwhelmed at the moment by just looking at my calendar. I literally do not know if I am coming or going till I get there. My baby boy is going to be 24 YEARS old next Monday. Where on earth has the time gone? He wants a new wallet and xbox game - no things haven't changed much. I am so proud of him tho! He got promoted at work already, and promoted by his peers no less, to train new servers. I love it when he is back to walking like a peacock, the hang dog look is so last year. I am hoping that my son has a good, solid, 12 months of "things going right". It is so hard to keep getting up when you are knocked down, if I hear one more person say "money can't buy you happiness" I'm gonna go B-A-N-A-N-A-S (thankyou Gwen:}). A little extra money could certainly buy me a good nights sleep. I WANT to help my kids (grown and not so grown), I want to pay for a broken truck (the real kind), I want to buy them ANY xbox game they want. And, Yes I am thankful we are all Fairly healthy (at least physically).

Having Another Britney Moment!

I WANT TO CUT ALL OF MY HAIR OFF. I am sleeping like shite. Can't sleep at night and am not sleeping so good during the morning. I have come off my Wellbutrin - am convinced that is the source of my nausea. I have hidden all the umbrella's in the house, just in case. The buzzers are nearby, but don't think I will go to that extreme AGAIN, fingers crossed. Am wondering if this has anything to do with the fact that I look like my mother and Aunty P who are sporting the same "do" and same "color". OMG!!

Do You Feel?

I feel the threat of evil near
I feel the threat that it will hear
I feel the threat of unborn fate
I fear that help will come too late

I feel the hate of people here
I feel the hate is too sincere
I feel the hate within us all
I fear the crumbling of my wall

I fear the dawn as it rises
I fear it holds too many surprises
I fear the Angel as she treads
I feel that I have lost my head
P.D.

The Bar-bee-Q

Wow, finally made it up to Ma Barkers for a meal and the game. Journey was smooth, left the house pretty close to the intended time of departure (just running a wee bit late:") Sam was super excited to be there and have other adults to boss around. And STAY OVER - yee haw....the excitement of one peaceful nite is pathetic. The H even stayed sober for the afternoon event - shitesters. Few awkward moments....ie-relatives were in sunroom and when food time came they ate inside and we all ate outside - AWKWARD!! Pa's food most excellent as always and Ma made a plate for her baby huey back home (like nobody feeds the boy - R U 4 REAL?) It was a gorgeous day, if only it could last. Paid Pa, always good! Was ALL good, no evil eyes NADA!! We exited by 4:30 easy to do with H because he just says "it's time to go!" or "c'mon we haven't got all day." Drive home was smooth. Pa gave me the CIRCA 1835 letter that is disintegrating as I am going to scan it at work. Have not read it all yet am still trying to figure out who Grandma V's Great Grandmothers' Daughters would be to my Sissy and Me????? And Need to find family tree photo because I don't recognize the last names. It's REALLY REALLY COOL though. Will post when scanned. All in All was a good day with the parental units, wish they did not live and hour and a half away but have been forbidden to say that again!

Blocked Blog, unblocked!

Finally, I guess I have been given the go ahead??? No more weird messages that I have been blocked actually, no message at all. So I am guessing the the Spam content or whatever it was, isn't.
Now do I have anything worth saying.....I am guilty this week for not calling my grandma V. My bad. Did not call a lawyer either. My bad 2. Did not make a GYN appointment. My bad 3. Came to realization the days of being "supermom" are so WAY over. My bad 4. I broke the "dry spell" (uh, so to speak) and allowed my husband to de-flower me after about??hmmm..... Ok, so long that I gave up counting, hence the deflowering! My good 1. Forgot that sex can serve MANY MANY purposes, akin to money, akin to power. Sorry but, yeah romance is very 10 years ago and so hopefully is my fertility. My bad/good.

So other than many near death experiences on the crazy commuter roads of the DC Metro Area, all for the sake of my 15ish hour a week job, it's not been a bad week.

Off to Ma & Pa's Sunday for a very far and few "family" get together with my mostest favorite Aunty Patty from UK and Uncle A. You know what, I changed my mind will write about that "after" it happens so I don't have to think about how many xanax I will have to take that day. Got all the way till Sunday to sweat the "hostess" gift etc....oi vey:}

The H is home so have to run (I mean close out this page). "What blog about our life out there in cyberspace - where is my PRIVACY!!!"

Pull it out or leave it in???

Another day, another duty. Dental Duty Day. My dental dilemmas are overwhelming. S. is halfway thru her fillings and not too freaked out. 2 more and then sealants and we are good to go. Myself..........another story. AND certain people don't want to hear about it let alone discuss it. Again, I am not going to husband bash. HOWEVER COMMA! Isn't that part of the whole "in sickness and in health" vow! If you want my vIc's when I'm sick then you better be prepared to suck it up and feign interest when I am in the middle of a dental crisis. And yes it is "always something" but hells bells that's life. I'm wondering if there is a reason, other than money, that the thought of one's wife losing precious teeth does not evoke and enormous amount of empathy? Oh, my bad, there is no reason other than money. biatch.
F*ck I need some consolation chocolate.
So do I pull the tooth with a two year old root canal and crown or do I pull off the crown and see if I can save this effing tooth and have it REdone which may or may not last more than another two years. THIS IS THE PITS.
Note to self: marriage is for health insurance not empathy.

Ok, Sarah Palin is sounding pretty good right now. I don't really even like watching the debates, not politically inclined, think the majority of governments are corrupt. JADED. End of that subject.

MY POEM

OH DEAR ANGEL FROM HEAVEN SENT
I FEAR THY WINGS ARE CROOKED AND BENT
TOO FLY AGAIN THROUGH VALLEYS SO GREEN
OVER FIELDS AND TORS WHERE ONCE I’D BEEN
ACROSS THE OCEANS BLUE AND BOLD
IN SEARCH OF LOVE YET TO UNFOLD
I’LL SOAR ABOVE THE CLOUDS SO FREE
AND PROMISE LOVE TO ALL I SEE
THEN COME BACK HOME SO AS NOT TO TIRE
FOR BENEATH MY WINGS IS ETERNAL FIRE
P.D.

Another Day, But Not Much Dollars

Why is one of the main topics of conversation these days "money?" Duh, well maybe that's because of the lack of it. So what do you do when the outlook is grim? RETAIL THERAPY...naughty huh. Clearance rack only - you know you are going to need a new swimsuit bottom (minus a matching top) for next summer. Besides, it's the mindlessness of scouring the racks for a bargain, and when I say bargain I mean BaRgAiN - $5.00 or less, HOLLA!! The real trick is sneaking it in the house and into the doorless closet as smooth as possible. *Take note of doorless (since March) closet - that's a whole new story.
My BIG BIG BIG news for the day (BTW, nobody knows yet so keep it on the down low OK?). My first Child Support check in 21 years! OMFG!! I feel like I will jinx it if I talk about it but am so bloody floored that I gotta spill. The super estranged ex, and believe me estranged is an understatement, must be gainfully employed after 20 years - wow. I am wondering though if this is just a one time thing, like maybe his tax credit thingy? Of course there was no AgeNcy letter along with it noting "non-custodial" parent of almost 24 yr. old son has been located and has gainful employment blah, blah, blah....The almost 24 yr. old constantly reminds me that it is "illegal" for me to open any of his mail (you know what those overdraft notices look like!) just had to take a peek and then attempted to stake his claim? Uh hello, am I not the sacrificial mother of all mothers? The bloody cheek of it! I am so going on a "GIRLZ ONLY" vaca next year HOLLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets hope Mr. Non-Dad doesn't not think this will open ANY communication lines. Reunion.com keeps sending me those "you had 2 searches for you" emails, please God let it be some random school mate from 3 lifetimes ago. The hubby that slept on the couch - cause he knows better - is laying low tonite, Praise Jah for small mercies. Homework was painless. Since adopting the "you need to assume some accountability at 9 yrs. old" attitude, combined with the perfect timing of the xanax, seems to really be working. The G Scouts and camping conversation is making me pretty nervous though. I know I triple checked before signing on that it would not be required that I "campout" it still makes me a little on edge, you just never know. It is so easy to get accidently roped into these things. I must sound like "mommie dearest" but camping with squealing girls, OUTSIDE, is more roughing it than I am capable of. I love my children - but after a stint as a Boy Scout Assistant leader I like to think those days are WAY behind me. SO WAY.

Watch Chelsea Lately, she is so funny!

HG. Work is so...............ugh when you are not there. I have a full dental day tomorrow, so am not driving back and forth! Will be in on Friday and am praying you are OK and will be ALL BETTER!!
Sissy, if you come home that would be cool. But......you don't want a vAcA house on Eleuthera so that is not cool. You are so NOT onboard. Am signing off and dreaming of living on a tropical Island. I need to go and get some sun lamp therapy as the cold is already drawing in and sucking me under. Being cold sucks.

Here A Template, There A Template

Okay, I think I have obsessed about a template for about 8 days now. After mucho deliberation and many failed attempts alas, I have picked one -I most certainly am HTML/XML challenged. So I need to shut up and write already.

Today feels like at least three days rolled into one long ass one and I didn't even go to work. oi vey.

"Back To"......"Back To School Night" was laborious and something I was not looking forward to, either time. Money can buy you an opinion that you "get" to voice, whether it gets you anywhere or not is another story. Bottom line is ITS ONLY 4TH GRAGE!! After another failed attempt at "no tears for homework", I am giving it all a rest! I effed up somewhere along the line with the 23 year old, therefore I must have plenty of time left to eff it up with the 9 year old - right?
OMG, I just know this is going to feel good to get this all off my chest and release it into cyberspace. Hopefully between this and therapy I can find it in my heart to cut back on the irritability factor in my attitude, increase my xanax and you know be....well basically be a responsible and super happy with my hands on mom/wife/sister/daughter/niece/friend - you know the drill.

I am so pissed off right now, but I don't want to be the "husband hater". I am sure I really, really love my husband. (effin positive). Oh but not right now, not a few minutes ago and not even an hour from now. AND, hard to believe, but at this very moment I am WAY too embarassed to even tell you why. Maybe if I stick around awhile longer........the bloody shame of it all. Uh...beyond words. Almost. Let me just say "when did being married equate to losing all of one's privacy"? My mother always had her own corner, nook, drawer or the such like for her "personal/private/keep your nose out STUFF". Is nothing SACRED??? Am I asking for too much to have one big bag of "stuff" next to my side of the bed, all nicely zipped up. With just the tiniest of foolproof "traps" invisible to the male eye. Bloody hell.

If you happen to stumble upon this blog, I swear alot! If are not too keen on potty mouthers then it's not too late to go back towards the light. Don't forget the word MANIACAL in the heading/title. OK?

If my BFF/Crazy Fun Mom(?) is there.....do you think it necessary I write an "about me" bit? Won't that be fairly obvious like......relatively quickly? Anyway I am going to look for you in a mo. Feel better, I am just dreading working without you there! It makes the day drag. Oh bloody get better you!!!!:}

Okay I am going to blurt it out! My husband is a vicodan thief. WOWSER! That feels good. effin bastard. eff eff eff eff. You know when you have oral surgery and suffer a few days longer just to save a few vicodan for "emergencies?" What do you mean "no?" Doesn't everybody do that? What the hell is wrong with people? Anyway, guess that's "how I roll". You never know, ever. effin thief. I knew it, I just didn't want to believe it. My sacred effin bag, in my own corner - that's all I have, a "corner". WTF!! I'm thinking that sounds a bit pathetic. Even petty. (yeah, like petty theft!) God, I hope I get over this. I cannot wait to go to therapy this month. AND yes I know you are probably thinking "this month", "praise to Jah, this woman needs to be in therapy every week". Truth is I can't, my therapist gets too depressed after my session. Swear on it.

On a brighter note, life isn't too bad huh! Yeah, well maybe but
I gotta say there are tons of sucky moments. I am looking for the light. Speaking of light my hubby/thief just parlayed on a positive note that we have lost $12000 since August on our 401K, and "honey, I don't know why you're stressed out, it's just money". Uh, how about you sit down and STARE at the checking account and pay one of the bills mofo/seeker of all things in my corner.
The positive note.......ummmmm????? I am grateful to see my mostest favorite Aunty Pat from UK. And am so grateful for all of the Cadburys chocolate and malt loaf she has brought me. (which I have managed to scarf down tons of already, despite my future dental prognosis).

NOTE TO SELF: Good job P. Well done, only took about a year from procrastination to posting. Pat self on back.

ps. Dear Dad, I have no effin idea why my daughter has 4 cavities OK??? I was wondering if anyone called you and asked "you" why "I" had cavities at her age. PUUHHLEEEAASSE. Candy happens.

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