Shitty weather and all that goes with it.......

So it's bloody pissing down again....no surprise there. Will we ever get the concrete poured out back? Oh, Oh, Oh, my biggest "surprise" of the day was a Twitter email about a certain somebody FOLLOWing me.....more like stalking! The charming (NOT), ultra christian woman we rented our last place from in Eleuthera. WOW. Now why the fuck would she be interested in what I TWEET about? Good question. Her last email was so nasty and full of venom that I blocked her email from future "nasties". If there is one thing I CANNOT do - it's BITCHY! As I kindly told my 10 yr. old today - Mommy doesn't DO BITCHY. Take it somewhere else - anywhere but here. YUCKY! So, back to the oh so christian cyber stalker ......hmmm! My guess is she is trying to find a link to my beach blog so she makes sure we don't slam her for her lack of honesty on her rental! Just because YOU make the choice to not cash the balance of your fee does not mean you can't receive negative feedback. Think Ebay :) If you find this and read it - well that's just bloody great! Knock yourself out. HOLLA!!

Writing on a blog has begun to make me feel vulnerable. Self-expoitation? If I need to vent why don't I do it privately in a diary? What AM I doing here? I am surely confused.......

In Sickness And In Health

My stomach is a mess again. Oi vey! Having to revisit the "oscopy" place again really sucks big time. Having to pay almost a $1,000 really sucks too. Health Insurance is pitiful these days - but can you really put a price tag on your health? I think not, it's like revisiting the dental dilemma again.....not many options available. To add insult to injury my insurance didn't pay for my "MoViPrep", $70 to cleanse out the bowels...lordy, lordy! One of the worse parts has to be the waiting....so many things go thru your mind. Cancer, colon resection, death. Morose huh! Part of me says "Yes, I can do this" and the other part wants to give up and say "puhhhlease let this all be over as soon as possible, I am done."

Well I will find out on Friday what my innards look like, that is good. Having found Dr. Hejab is a huge relief - beyond any one's imagination. I am grateful. For small things right now. The prep absolutely sucks - and every time I swear I will not got thru that again......If fact the whole colonoscopy thing feels demoralizing, depressing and dreadful. I guess it could be so much worse...

OKie DokIe, all looks pretty healthy! The small bowel isn't looking as good as the rest but expected that. Good news I do not have anything life threatening going on in the intestines...bad news? Not my "mystery diagnosis" doctor! We will get to the "bottom" of it so to speak! The belladonna is doing wonders for my bloating and pain. I am hopeful once again.

With all the heath insurance madness going on.....let me just add that it is a mess. Blood work from LabC*** $1696.00 WTF is that all about?? You have got to be bloody kidding me - if your weren't sick before, these kind of bills will surely make you sick. Since when does a country make a profit off of sick people?

Addicted to..............

OMG! Yep, I'm back to the poker. I missed her so much - I didn't even realize it. First Mixed Holdem Tourney and I placed 2nd out of 2766 - uh?! HOLLA!!!

*Am going tomorrow to get tickets for No Doubt!! Oh, Sammy is going to be so, so very excited!! I hope Lauren is too...We will have so much fun! Must check on camera thingy, pretty sure it's no cameras. Can do photo op in parking lot. Nice end of school treat. Verrrry nice!

*Sam is going to beach with Steffi.......more on that later.
*I have to go lie down - tomorrow is my first early morning in a long time. Must get in the bed in order to hear the alarm. Doh! Almost 2AM....rot row.
I am going to get back to my story one day. Wonder if I should just start that offline in notebook or something?
Must make appointment at Lowe's for kitchen remodel.....

NEXT DAY
Well I made it to bed around 2:30 ishhhh. Not really good enough but I did manage to get up - Sam only had to yell "MOM" twice. My bad. I knew I had to wake my sorry ass up as my "you got it for next to nothing?" implant crown had fallen out and I had to get it "glued" back on. Fuck.

OK. So RR Dentists say they have temporary glue at CVS?? What the fuck is that all about? Yeah, I think NOT! Y'all better squeeze me back in and put this $930 crown where it belongs!! I'm PERImenopausal so back OFF.

Mother's Day, Another Day

Mother's Day, ah yes.....all those pictures of mom at the spa, mom getting a massage, mom at champagne brunch, blah blah blah! Yep, Mother's Day is a work day at our place. DON'T get me wrong, I so don't want to wait in line with masses for lunch. I did get to go out to Bonefish for a bite on Friday nite = and it was sooooo yummy. The Bang Bang shrimp were "to die for" (until Tyler told me the sauce was primarily made with mayo....uck). Tyler showed up with some Taco Bell burritos....no card, no flowers, BURRITOS - my ass had only been up for few hours. He then got Daddy to stop finishing the wall to help him change his oil cause he couldn't remember exactly how the Jack worked?? Wait.....back to Tyler's truck.

Tyler bought the wrong oil! Back to the store they tootled, good excuse for a beer run:{ Then Mike helped Tyler and then got back to work on "just another brick in the wall." Tyler then borrowed our truck to go and pick up a king bed he had acquired....I did decline the ride-along, mostly out of fear of having to lift something heavy! Should have gone along just to make sure he put a few dollars in the gas tank - no such luck. Weeded, raked, power washed, gave Mike more "moral wall support." Then I had to clean up and get my arse inside to prep dinner. Luckily I had marinated the chicken the night before. Tyler decided he wasn't that hungry yet so I loaded him up with some hot dogs and uncooked pasta salad and kissed the back of his head........bbb bye :)

Sammy was running around like a banshee, till we caught her and Steffi with the "toads" - which they had sneakily tried to put some nail polish on in order to identify them?!??!? WTF???? Oh, she was so in trouble! Yeah, not a turtle shell - can you say porous? After a big telling off, Steffi scurried home and Sam skulked inside to try and wash the red off her hands. Mommy was MAD!! Mike got the grill ready.......well he thought he had a full tank of propane - somewhere?? Back to the basics.....charcoal. The chicken eventually got cooked (as did Mike). Sat down with Sammy to eat and watch the Amazing Race finale! Happy Mother's Day......................

Bittersweet Homecoming.....and more

Coming home from vacation is always bittersweet. When you are nearing the end of your time away you trick yourself into thinking that you are in actual fact ready to go home. Wrong, it's fucking denial. In your heart of hearts you know it will be EXACTLY the same as when you left. More stacked laundry, missed because nobody bothered to "restock" the groceries. What vacuum cleaner? I am supposing one should be grateful at this point that one is missed in any shape or form? Mid-life crisis is looking like the big answer right now, combined perhaps with my ever growing fear/hatred of being cold! It didn't help being the "are you Hope's mom" friend (although there is a compliment in there!!) It's kinda like the "are you expecting" thing....so not an upper when you are my age. Next vacation, I want some peeps my age, even older would be good:) Yes, definitely mid-life crisis, perimenopausal signs....Let me just throw in a quick "thanks" to the powers that be for giving me my second period in a month the day after I arrived at the beach. Who DOESN'T know that blood attracts sharks eh? WTF? Things I was really aware of this time around was the lack of medical facilities....more paranoia! What I would like more than anything would be to live ANYWHERE on the beach. For now I will settle for the pool and be grateful. Mom is coming over tomorrow, she reminded me twice that she guessed I would NOT be driving up there anytime soon. I can't. I know I need to go to bed so I can get up and see if it's pouring down in biblical proportions still, that's the deciding factor for mom coming or not. Why do I feel like an intervention is around the corner every time mom says she is coming over? It's weird, more paranoia. Elvina's was so much fun. I really miss dancing. I really miss drinking and dancing. I miss partying like it's 1999. Coconut rum and cranberry juice - it's real good! That would be good frozen too. I don't miss hangovers. I will stick to just dancing. Hope is fun to dance with. Hope is even more fun to drink with. She was talking to me in this picture and the next minute she was asleep. I was a good friend and left her on the couch cause she looked so peaceful. I want my own conga's now. I like playing the conga's. Playing the conga's is surely good exercise. I am going to look for conga's at the pawn shop or ebay. I miss my loud music stereo system. When we finish the basement I will be too old to enjoy loud music. Surely. I applied for another job on Elance. No response. I think I am to familiar in my proposal responses. Or honest. Not worth the paranoia. I smoked less ciggies on vacation. I walked alot on vacation. I like that. I could look for shells everyday. No problem. I could eat fish everyday. But a little bacon is always nice.

And they're off..............

As you can see by the countdown clock - we are almost there! Neither Hope nor I have packed yet, we would rather stress ourselves out and wait till the very last minute. I keep doing a rather pointless "mind list" - so reluctant to write it down. I think I have given myself a "funny tummy" and I can't figure out why? Is it because I haven't actually written a list? I washed my snorkel with bleach - does that count towards anything? Still haven't braved the bowels of the basement to search for the fins and mask......I have actually "pictured" all of my stuff in my suitcase - visualization is good right? Of course I have lots of last minute running around to do! Some groceries for the household before I leave, another carton of ciggies, last minute sewing....Hope don't even ask about the top! Will show you when I see you - maybe I can start working on that when I get back for NEXT year! Going to take some more immodium and keep my fingers crossed. Am thinking about my Last Will and Testament before I go - I'm just saying....you know in case something happens and I get eaten on the coral reef - you never know. Oh fuck, I really need to write a list. I wonder is there is bug spray in travel size? Eleuthera - here we come!

Easter in a Holler!

So we made the pilgrimage up to Ma & Pa's....yeah, yeah, yeah, I know - GET OVER IT! Such a hike to the Shenandoah Valley, pretty, but a hike! Sammy was already up there but Tyler wanted a ride AND a pickup! Ok, it was on the way so no problem, we just have a few issues about leaving our house in a timely manner (it's not me). However, my bright spark partner purchased a nice pickup truck with the teeny tiny backseat....so of course who got to ride in the "jump seat?" - yeah, short people get shafted. I sat sideways with my knees bouncing off my fat belly, trying to smoke out of that little back window aaahhhhh. As soon as we arrived, my beloved son made loud note of the fact that we arrived at 11:23 instead of ETA of 11:00. Hello, Eta!! No worries mon, we rollin'. Made Dad leave his station in the kitchen to come outside for the unveiling of the Big 50th Present (surprise no more - Sammy already told everyone it was a tree - Thanxs Sam?!?) Dad did a quick Dr. Jekyll and said "you better not have bought that - mean tone included", HA - what? Since when do we "BUY" presents? Jesus Y Maria.....y'all should know us better! The second most coveted Japanese Maple couldn't have found a better home, phew - I am so off the second born shit list. Dad was happy, Mom even acquiesced about the tree placement....I know what you're thinking so stop it! Dad was even happier that he didn't have to dig the hole for it and Tyler couldn't dig because it was making dirt enter his Crocs and he wasn't prepared to do yard work. Now that's funny! He got to lift instead and then complained because he left his wine on the deck.....Nana says he did just come off a 24+ hr. shift at the VFD and he looked tired - wah wah. All's good in the garden, Dad is busy in the kitchen, Sam is jumping around trying to get ANYone's attention and we finally got Sharon and her quite senior Mom settled. Tyler was opening another bottle of "Nora", great excuse to open more wine, totally takes away from the fact that he's opening ANOTHER bottle of wine. Mike comes in sweating and Dad asks him if he wants a shower?! No, he wants a fucking beer and he's only allowed ONE......he's pacing himself. A wee bit of socializing and foods ready! I am starving for a change - it was only 2:00! Everything was yummy, no serious faux pas at the table, Easter is on the upswing, Spring has Sprung:) I did start to tell everyone Sissy's itinerary but mom Sshushed me for some reason.........they just can't seem to get their heads around the Ashram and the detoxing, they both beat the psych ward or rehab! After all our smokie breaks, we moseyed upstairs to join in the Wii bowling. Lots of excitement, and Sharon's 88 year old mother was giving us all a run for our money! (If I'd known I was up against the Senior Home Wii champ, I might of put a little bit of a spin on it!) We finished up, everyone wanted to get on the road and for us that can take at least 1/2 hour! All was good, nobody fell over, no one was slurring or stumbling - Holla! Good day for all. Now a few xanax and the IPOD for the "holy effin jump seat" ride back home - on a full belly!

Taco Bell on my nerves

This is the third time I have been to Taco Bell to get Sam her beloved bean burrito with no onions and..............it had fuckin onions on it again. When will I learn to check the burrito before I leave the parking lot?? Confirmed the no onions three times no less. I was spittin nails. Called and have whatever we want next visit FREE! And so it should be. Sam asked all day for a burrito. OHHHH, I am so annoyed. I love the guy on the phone tho....did you want to drive back? Like I am gonna go all the way back to Taco Bell for a 99cent burrito?!?!? WTF
OK, maybe I am a wee bit irritable today. Time for "mother's little helper."

Good day at Therapy....

Today was a good therapy day. Always glad to see A. As usual my time just flew by - I am hardly Ever at a loss for words! We agreed that my monthly visit was enough - despite what NP said. I am very lucky to have developed such a great bond and admiration for my therapist. We have come so far in seven years! (Time to pat Self on back)

Next I tootled off to my favorite thirft store - in search of a bargain. Did pretty good, more vintage linens, lovely divided bowl oh, and some Mickey Mouse coasters to put on Ebay. For some reason Mickey Mouse sells well - go figure. Don't know if I will keep the serving/divided dish or put it on Etsy....which I am going to do very soon! I fuckin am so stop with the snickers! Can't we just all get abong?? Scooted off to Costco next to get my staples: salmon, chicken-apple sausages, ground turkey and of course a HuGe dessert - I am walking now so.....Lemon blueberry coffee cake is so allowed - HuGe I tell you and Mike's eaten half of it already.....get the fuck off my dessert! I think Mike's dessert is his beer and I don't drink that so......cake all mine, well guess Sam can have some. Stood in cigarette cage for long time - musta been long cause someone pushed my cart out of the line -- bastards. Was staring at all the prices - yeah, guess I'm not quite over the big ciggie hike up your arse...Got me some more generics (120's which means they are suPer long)as there seemed to be a bit of a buying frenzy with a limit to 2 cartons for personal use. All the addicts are stocking up before they go up a few more dollars in April! F*F*S*S**C**K*F**B

Yes, I did talk to A about the smoking addiction....still have not had any "shining light moments".

Moving forward with our vAcA blog. Looks good, and is a fun read - was even funnier trying to remember everything we did each day.....we got all confused and thought we were there eight nites and not seven - praise Jah there is a date stamp on our pics! Now I can remember the minutia, what? forget about the minutia? Sorry homey, not a chance.

Right now I can't really focus on much else than my upcoming trip. I keep going over the what to take clotheswise thing....and don't forget your tripod. Think I need to get case and put in closet and start dumping "necessities" in it. I'm getting my tan on and yes I am tan obsessed. Cannot show up in the islands as white as a ghost! Gotta be a little "sunkissed", I'm gonna end up looking like the old Florida lady in "There's Something About Mary"- ya know with the leathery chesty. Will sunscream that area well.

Walked today (Thursday), even tho it was raining! Neither Brenda nor I wanted to be the one to call to say we couldn't walk because of the rain! Oh, the determination. Svelte body here we come! Needless to say me trousers were soaking - but we did it. I am now hunched back over the computer. What on earth am I going to do for NINE whole days without it? Well I can think of worse things to be without for nine days - so am good to go.


NOTE TO SISSY: There are mean people out there, use your biatch radar! You are not allowed to let anyone "walk" on you. Don't let them turkey buzzards get you down! You have a focus and more adventures ahead of you. You can stick it out there - your time is short, if Chow Mein moves your stuff - fucking move it back! You pay rent! The "LEE" we know is tough...
Now make up your mind about your dates.....ahh, c'mon - Ashram in India or Holden Beach with the Family? Either way you're gonna end up with a funny tummy:)

I think I'm having a cigarette meltdown....no, no, no

Ok, I think I have been in shock all week. I have been thinking non-stop about the whole ciggie cost thing. OMG! I feel like a fucking junky who know's where her next fix is but doesn't have anything to left pawn. Kinda sounds like "rock bottom" but there is no rocky bottom in the river D'Nile!! Instead, I shouted out to all my dealers (fag ash lil friends) to find out the low down on who's going to the Indian Reservation? North Carolina? South of the Border? And how many cartons can I get? Oh, oh, and can I use my coupons! My friend B is not only going to keep my up to date on the cig runs (brings Christopher Multisante to mind!) but we are going to start "walking" a few days aweek and have promised ourselves NOT to smoke while we walk.......baby steps, baby steps!

Then wait.........yes, believe it or not, I had a MoMeNt of clarity!. Why not just take advantage of this crisis to QUIT.

I tell you why not! I LOVE MY FUCKING CIGGIE BUTTS - boo hoo......I think I'm gonna have to go to a psych ward or detox place - where they DON'T take ciggy breaks every hour!! So seeing as I was down to my last pack and being as glum as possible, I headed to Wal-Fart for some more hair dye -another sign that things are askew:) and asked my "usual express line less than happy to be there cashier" for the CHEAPEST cigarettes they had! I'm a creature of habit - I will drive across town just to get MY brand. I am now the proud smoker of USA GOLD Menthol Lights, kinda like drinking out of a brown bag. PROBLEM has been bandaged. Mike said he would rather pay for me to go to Florida to get some new "shot" (oh, I'm sure it works......) to quit.

So this may be the year.....no pressure please - just throwin it out there, no intervention needed - YET! But I'm kinda thinking detox sounds tempting - great place to make friends!

Sister Love

I have lots and lots of Sister love! I am so upset that someone was unkind to my sister. And yes, I would hit them upside the head if I was there! When are women going to realize that they need to stick together and stop acting like they are on opposing teams? The word "competition" should never enter the equation, with your sister, your BFF's, your cousins or any female friends..........unless you are playing Scrabble! Never push those away in need - just think for a moment if the shoe were on the other foot. You should always have each others best interests at heart. If you are not feeling anything coming from the heart - then maybe that's not a relationship for you. We must learn to embrace every difference, foible, mannerism, yada yada....in the those we love. Naturally, there is a "little something" we are going to find that really is not our own cup of tea but... variety is the spice of life. I want my sister and my sister friends to feel like they can totally be themselves whenever they are with me. I don't want to judge or critique - I want to share the love. When I am with you - I am with you. You never need to question or doubt my loyalty. I love all in unique ways. I will fight for you, defend you, do your hair, tell you if your outfit looks iffy.....I will be honest but it won't hurt.

Sissy..........hang in there! You have your Bali trip to look forward to. Note to self: vAcA with SISTAH FRIENDS

The "other" blog!

What a miserably cold and wet day! Daddy and I took Sam to see Coraline .....3D no less. Was a bit of adjustment with the glasses and I did nod off for about 10 mins....but it was a cute, dark little ditty! We managed to scarf down a large popcorn - Sammy of course had it on her lap, so am thinking she ate at least 1/2 of it! Bag of M&M's each (wisely stopped at 7-11) and that pair shared an Almond Joy too! We had a quick stop in the mall, WE NEVER SHOP ALL TOGETHER!!. Mike got him some nice "boat shoes", verrry niiiice at Norstrom Rack....couldn't really look around, Mike makes me feel like I'm on a mission and.....well I'm not. Saw a lovely summer dress in the new Neiman Marcus but when I peaked at price tag I nearly fell over and needed to get out of there quickly.
Was glad to get home, lots of people out and about and not the bestest driving conditions. My face hurt and I have earache. Either pollen or sinus infection. Yes, I'm hypo'ing. That's it.
My sissy is at WOMAD New Zealand - that would be so cool. I think I am happy to look forward to a vAcA in the same place each year - if I could just have a house there.........LOTTERY BE GOOD TO ME! I WILL SHARE!! Ma and Pa leave for UK next week for 50th with Aunty B & Uncle B with whom they had a double wedding. Hope all goes smooth......many people to please in short time. Will be last trip together to UK am sure. Filled Sissy in on all oer's and ohh's. Said a prayer for Grandma Vera and hope that her quality of life is still "ok" for turning 91. Was super nice to chat and laugh with my cuz, Marnie! Am happy to have her back in my life and there are lots of GOOD things we can remember together....and my sissy has a good memory - well sometimes skewed, but good:)

www.thegirlzdoeleuthera.blogspot.com

Hopie, layout is great! I love that one and it seems roomier! Am so happy to have a beach blog.... Will let RRBF know about it. Have to look up yahoo address cause can't confirm it, think I got it wrong. I'm excited to "write" it all down.

I'm Remembering Before I Start Forgetting...

I remember vacationing in Morecambe at the Seaside - located just below the Lake District and to the West of the Yorkshire Dales (hmmm, think nippy & wet!) It was an adventure without Mom and we were young, maybe I was 5 or 6? We must have been either visiting from Germany or moving back to UK from Germany whilst Dad went to Vietnam. So that would make it 1967. Found a great picture of the type of B&B we stayed in - just think forty-two years ago...I was not happy that Lee got to bunk up in the "lofty, very low slanted ceiling" room with Gran and Aunty Pat. Even way back then I was not known as an "early riser". Two must haves: sleep & peanutbutter! I got to bunk with Aunty Barb and Uncle Bill and cousin Paul. Barb and Bill were never known for their early rising routine - they were the sleeper-inners! But when you are that young and sleeping in a strange place, hello.....you wake up early! Well at least Paul and I did. And....to make matters worse, we would hear Pat, Gran and Lee leaving their room. So we were usually that last at breakfast which was a total Faulty Towers affair. They had one of the dumb waiters.....and they would yell down the shaft "send up some more bread, Dad!" in a very thick Yorkshire accent. Of course, we were "all about the toast" people! There is nothing like white, English bread, toasted, cut in triangles and smeared with GOOD butter. The best. I remember a few trips down to the "beach". We were rugged up well, and it was overcast and spitting. We got to ride the donkeys. Mostly I remember being in the dining room with all the other guests and eating. Lots of cups of tea everywhere and asking for more bread and waiting oh so patiently for him to pull the rope and up it would pop on the dumb waiter thingy. We laughed all the time. Will have to have Sissy fill in the blanks. Oh lots of Rock candy!

Going, Going, Gone

OK, I'm gorging on my Cadbury's Cream Egg and thinking I am "ohhh so risky - edge liver, yeah!" Finally booked a flight - so forget all the other OCD shit I wrote - I THRIVE on PROcrastination for PREservation! That's gotta be it. Keeps the adrenaline pumping - cause let's face it not much else, at the moment, does... Still feel like I'm getting riskier - that risky, seat of the pants gal went somewhere. I saw her the other day, so I know she's coming home. NExt year STANDBY?! Will research "standby blogs", soon. I absofuckinglutely promise myself not to go look up flights till we are planning our next momcation/eleutheravention! So next plan to obsess over is "packing lite" - oohh.....how many swimsuits? One pair of cargos? 2 shorts? 6 tops? panties?of course! I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN!!

Digression: what the fuck should I do with my hair? I am sick of it - yes, again!! Short and go back to blond, let it grow out and change color, short layers? fuck I hate it when I DISlike my hair. That's it, I'm gonna go tomorrow and let my hairdresser decide. See how easy it can be. I have looked at the same haircut magazine a GAzillion times....gazillion. Some new cheap glasses, new hairdo, new adventure - do I need more of a kick up the arse than that? Yeah, well let us not go off the deep end, eh? So I guess I'm a little wound up! Must try and shut down for awhile......many lists to write now.

Follow up on the mortification....

OK, after a rational moment - they are doing their job. I am a non-complying patient. But in my defense - it all costs money!! Yep, that's all folks.

Yes, they are out to get you.....

Ok, I am totally fucking mortified. My GP office called today to ASK if I had followed thru on any of their suggestions (I use the word "suggestions" loosely) .... And yes, that would be plural. Of course I haven't - it's only been like a week since I went. Am I getting a house call soon? Should I hold off on that shower in hopes of a sponge bath? My name's gonna be on some weird cyber chart that says "doesn't follow instructions!" I feel like I need to call to say "I can eggsplain Lucy"....Doesn't refilling my RX's count? Will they refuse to see me if I don't comply. Oh, I'm a freakin. Maybe a Thank You note....nah.

Mom's work is endless.........

Golly Goshers! Somedays I just feel like a fucking maid. Along with my PMS and Perimenopausal - I am feeling bitchy and whiny! I am so tired of picking up dirty clothes, gum wrappers, bottle tops and the list goes on and on.....I even shoveled the driveway and froze my ass off in "feels like" ten degree weather! I am done with winter. I don't want to see it on anything other than a postcard. I think I cleaned the kitchen three times yesterday. I am done. I want a lifestyle change....I want CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE............

I have zero inner peace. Yeah, ok, gonna take the xanax and try and chill. What if I get a one way ticket on my "momcation???" I will be viewed as a DESERTER/AWOL...oh oh oh. Think I need chocolate.

Proud Moments in a not so boring as I think life....

Tyler called and asked if Sammy and I wanted to come up to the Fire Dept. and take a tour as it was quiet. I was in my pj's....at 4 in the afternoon....I had lost Samantha to, what I assumed correctly, the woods....letting her BFF borrow her coat in 35 degrees or less weather.....

So, I got my ass in the bathroom and did my quick blow away of the bed head, brushed the teeth & washed the face....

put on standard - levis that go up without undoing, smelly Uggs, sweater and black jacket Sissy left.

And just before I was about to leave I gave a quick buzz to Tyler and no answer? AAGGGHHH

Tried again and he had to go out on quick call.....so we took our coats off and waited a half an hour while Mike hmmmd, and aahhhd at the Applebees menu online. Decided to keep our $20 cert. for another weekend.

Got coats back on and headed over to Lake Jackson. Bloody cold out again. Nice short, country road drive. Tyler was standing out front waiting for us! Showed us all around super fancy, and high tech Lake Jackson VFD. Huge! We saw everything. Gorgeous kitchen with a really huge, industrial like, patterned stainless steel table - flat screen. TV room with huge flat screen and ginormous leather chairs that lean back OMG! Stadium like seating! State of the art gym....more flat screens. Super nice sleeping area with pillow top mattress. Individual bathrooms with toilet, sink & shower in each. OMG! Better than a home away from home. Volunteering is a good thing!

We got to go in brand new state of the art ambulance, fire truck! It was all super exciting and I could tell how proud Tyler was. He is going to be an awesome EMT!!

I am a very proud mom!

Bonding in a tattoo way?

Sissy, here is my latest. Mine and Tyler's second same stencil/place life affirming, bonding moment. It was the perfect tattoo for such a sad day. To go to a funeral for such a nice lad that was two years younger than Tyler, made me feel so completely grateful once again to have him in my life. I felt bad that I felt good having him stand next to me and be supportive during such a sad moment. All I could think about was how sad his mom must be. When I look at that wrist, all I can think about is how much love I have for my son. He can be a right arsehole sometimes, but he is such a huge part of my heart. My RR asked me "not to be one of those girls with tattoos on her arms". I was wondering why. Would I look that different than I already do? I like the fact that I can put something that I want, into my skin and it's ALL MINE. FOREVER.....It doesn't define who or what I am, it's just part of ME. I just felt like writing that. Now when I get the hearts on top I will be done............on the wrists. Then I'm gonna move back onto the back! I want to tie all the random tats together somehow - I feel like they are postage stamps stuck around in no order. So......how about big butterfly wings encompassing all the small ones into the wings? Then...fill it all in. Anyway, Sissy can't wait to see photo of yours! (don't mention mine, Mike either hasn't noticed or is taking the "high road" and saying nothing - like it best that way!

Hope your trip goes good, and you have fun and see lots of beautiful memories to come. Wish I was there trippin with ya!
Love and Kisses!

Tyler is doing so good in his EMT class YEAH!!
Note to self: ipod = download : I'm gonna run to you

Could you be loved and be loved?

Could you be loved and be loved?

Could you be loved and be loved?

Dont let them fool ya,Or even try to school ya! oh, no!

We've got a mind of our own,

So go to hell if what youre thinking is not right!

Love would never leave us alone,

A-yin the darkness there must come out to light.

Could you be loved and be loved? Could you be loved, wo now! - and be loved? (the road of life is rocky and you may stumble too,

So while you point your fingers someone else is judging you)Love your brotherman!(could you be - could you be - could you be loved? Could you be - could you be loved? Could you be - could you be - could you be loved?

Could you be - could you be loved? )Dont let them change ya, oh! -

Or even rearrange ya! oh, no!

We've got a life to live.

They say: only - only -Only the fittest of the fittest shall survive -Stay alive! eh!Could you be loved and be loved? Could you be loved, wo now! - and be loved? (you aint gonna miss your water until your well runs dry;No matter how you treat him, the man will never be satisfied.)

Say something! (could you be - could you be - could you be loved? Could you be - could you be loved? )Say something! say something!(could you be - could you be - could you be loved? )Say something! (could you be - could you be loved? )Say something! say something! (say something!)Say something! say something! (could you be loved? )Say something! say something! reggae, reggae!Say something! rockers, rockers!Say something! reggae, reggae!Say something! rockers, rockers!Say something! (could you be loved? )Say something! uh!Say something! come on!Say something! (could you be - could you be - could you be loved? )Say something! (could you be - could you be loved? )Say something! (could you be - could you be - could you be loved? )Say something! (could you be - could you be loved? )

Who's In Control?

I finally found some motivation (not sure where I happened upon it - think it had something to do with wanting to get out the sewing machine and couldn't cause all the other stuff ahead of the line). I am sure there is a way to reign in my OCD mind and put it to much better use than jumping all over the internet reading random blogs and looking at flights. Yes, it is after 2:00 am but alot has been accomplished....that has been waylayed for months. Sold a total of 5 books on ebay and listed more - for a total of 41 listings!! Yeah!! Cleared off a space in the office to actually sit at my desktop and Sammy can do homework. Yeah!! Opened an account on Etsy after months of deliberation on creating my own sight at a higher start up cost. Now just have to add pictures and descriptions. Yeah!! Bid on two Elance jobs - even tho I not totally sure what I'm doing on there......who knows..... AND last but not least blogged it! OK, sleep should be taking over very soon. Good job P.
http://www.pastperfection.etsy.com/

vAcA is REAL!!!!

Finally! The cards fell where they should have, pocket Aces....holla! CAN U SAY BBBB-bye? Forget "deserve" and how about "SERENITY NOW!" Yes, thank you Hopie for being on top of the deposit and all the emailing back and forth with the house. I am already tasting that Kalik on the plane! I can't fucking wait. Thank you to all my family who support my "girlz vAcA". I think I may have had a weak moment and given up if not. I love the beach, I cannot wait for another adventure to the island of Freedom, Eleuthera. I so need this to look forward to. Now I have two months to think about what I am going to pack. Back to booking the flight. HOLLA!!!!

Holy Sistahs!

I have always believed in writing in any form. I have always written, in some form or other - mostly in poetry. I stopped writing poetry after I stopped drinking. I thought it was the only way for my soul to truly shine through. Blogging, Facebook etc...has enabled me to release what is inside and not be afraid to go back and look at what I have written and NOT cringe. My sissy has so much courage.....I could not be prouder to say she is "my sister". She makes me feel like "anything" is possible. We have made so many changes, lived through so much adversity, experienced the world, been separated from extended family, met so, so many people and perhaps at times forgot how united we stand. I miss her more than anything and am always praying she is safe and remembers her "stranger danger". I know I am always in her thoughts and with fondness too boot! For this I am grateful. My BFF Hopie, is so like the little sister I never had. Hope laughs at all of my jokes. We are so in tune with each other we actually finish each others' sentences - weird! I can go to the bathroom at least 5 times and keep calling her back....and she gets it. I can cry and piss and moan about anything and she keeps coming back for more. I know I am old enough to be her mother, but she doesn't ever remind of that. She is the first person I call when ANYTHING happens. She accepts me when I am feeling, fat, ugly, pukey and even HAPPy!! If she has anything bad to say about me I would never know it. She is the only girl that I have ever known who had a childhood most similar to my sissy and mine. Posting October 2011 and I still feel the same :)

I Promise not to bash my husband....

Starting next year! I love. But I absolutely cannot have the same vacation conversation next year. It began as an "ANNUAL" vacation. And so it will continue.

THE SEA SHE LOVED

I used to dream my life would be

As picture perfect as the sea.

Rolling and waving upon the shore

without a care, I'd worry no more.

Then one day it dawned on me...

My life was nothing like the sea.

The waves did crash and roar with might

I did not fear the end in sight.

Don't follow me take not my hand

Heaven won't crumble like the sand.

I want to ebb as does the tide

My heart is stronger than my pride.

Soon I know that I'll be free

Me as One - with the sea.

The shells belong as does the beach

I am lost and out of reach.

Say a prayer and think of me

While I float within the sea.

I did not plan to be renown

As the lover you let drown.

Perri

I think I got them ole Kozmic Blues again.......

Get Your ASS to Bed

Get your fucking arse to bed P. What in the hell are you doing? Looking up flights like a travel agent, uh...minus the commission. H. I am gonna find a flight if it bloody well kills me. Oh yea, I am so gonna do this. I have started the ugly cycle of staying up way past and normal bedtime and not being able to wake up at a decent time, according to norms placed on peeps by "them". My beautiful ray of sunshine carved a triangle into my coffee table today. OMG!! Where the fuck is June Cleaver when you need her? This will be child #2 to carve into my furniture. Am I raising hoodlums or future "taggers". What happened to just keeping your feet off the table, now I have to worry about leaving a sharp object lying around? I am way, way too old for this. What next...burnt carpet? I keep thinking someone is gonna walk in the living room and yell at me for being up at a ridiculous hour. What could possibly be stopping me from crawling into my comfy bed and escaping all the thoughts racing around my psychotic brain? Money, school payments to Dad, refinancing responsibilities, collections, unemployment appeals, grocery lists, death and taxes. I'm mad, your mad, we're all mad here you know. What have I accomplished this weekend? Is tomorrow the day I will start on the treadmill? Sshhh.....is that someone creeping around? Inside or outside? 3:51 AM - odd movies on cable......creepy. Just one more overstimulating puff on a cigarette and I'm so in bed!

MY OWN ROOM

OK, I need to get to bed, seriously. I stay up wishing I could luxuriate in my VERY OWN surroundings - as in the middle of the fucking bed. I want to read - more than one book, I want them spread out around me. I want the light on. I want ALL of the pillows spread out behind me waiting to swallow me into sleep. I want to nod off without having to position my leg pillow, head pillow and hug pillow and two blankets PRIOR to "lights out". I am tired of fumbling in the dark for pills (to get to sleep), inhalers, water - you get the picture. What is so wrong with having one's own room. Let's face it, the majority of activity going on in the bedroom on a normal given night is Mike snoring and making other unmentionable noises. So if the action is say.....predictable or even annual (Valentines Day BJ - if you got me chocolates) what is the harm in having your own room?? When you have a sib...you are lucky to get your own room - you live for that time to have your "own" space with no imaginary line down the middle. Then you get a little tease of time with no man in your life and your are livin la vida loca in the middle of the bed! Yee Haw! Oops, did I forget to put in my marriage contract that I want my own room/as in bedroom. Yea, not a good start. BUT IT SHOULD BE!! BUYER BEWARE!!! You will never utter the word "privacy" again. EVER. FUCKING NEVER.
That's ok......Another hair off my chesty. Did I mention "FreeBreeze?" Yea, nother time.

Life is not easy

I finally finished my letter to Aunty Therese, who is suffering from stomach cancer. I began to panic about not sending my "get well" card, afraid that I wouldn't say enough or that I would say too much.....In the end I did what I am learning to do ALL the time (or most of) and that was to "follow my heart". On the heels of being excommunicated by my bestest Aunty in the world, although she said "I was basically of good character, but thought it best that I just stick with my sissy and mother", I know just how short and fleeting life is. It's never too late to let someone know how much you love them and remind them of all the good memories and fondest recollections you have of them. Good for the living and the dying. If I ever had to actually "pick" a person in my life who I thought embraced motherhood, God and life it would be Aunty Therese. I often tease her and call her "Mother Therese" - with all honesty I meant it. Therese is a God loving woman filled with faith and forgiveness and so many attributes that one could only aspire for. Never a cross or unkind word for ANYone, no matter what. Never a bad vibe or even a moment where you took a second look waiting for a nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Forever a tower of strength with a ray of sun having a halo effect in even the most dreadful moments. God please take care of this beautiful woman and make her pain go away for she is a child of Christ.